"Luminous Wind"
Goddess art of Jonathon Earl Bowser

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Update and ~Frail Dreams~

I'm sorry my blog has been lacking lately. With the exception of the Flash Fiction Fridays (thank goodness for those), I have been unable to write much.  I most likely won't be entering this year's Valentine's Day contest, unless I can stop this merry-go-round I have been on for the past few months. I have been having some health issues which have impeded my focus and concentration. As many who follow me on social media or read my stories might know, I have Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (which stemmed from Lyme Disease as a preteen). I was in a three-year remission brought on by the pregnancy of my little one, but have since had a major relapse. I feel like a newbie to it again and it's not sitting well with me!

The debilitating symptoms of dizziness, vertigo, heart palpitations, and nausea have the doctors puzzled. Every diagnostic test has been negative, and there have been a slew of them; EKG, MRI, Holter Monitor, lab work, VNG, positional vertigo maneuvers.  I am waiting to hear the results of a brain/brain stem/inner ear MRI and inner ear/balance test: VNG -- tomorrow. My intuition tells me that the dental infection/issues and root canal I had a few months ago not only flared up the Fibromyalgia, but also disrupted something in my inner ear. 

So tomorrow I'll find out. I don't want them to tell me I have something even more complicated, but chances are they are going to give me the non-answer of, "It's the fibromyalgia." That's not a helpful answer because there isn't much to be done. My doctor did refer me to a local Fibromyalgia Clinic which might offer me some help. In a couple of weeks I will have a four-hour assessment and they will tailor a treatment (non-medical) plan to help me readjust my life again and manage the symptoms better.

With that said, I think I'll share some of my Fibro poetry from the past. Please keep in mind these were written by a hurting teenager/college student. I'll begin with one of longing for a gentle touch, an understanding ear, and hope. 

~Frail Dreams~ is dedicated to chronic pain and fatigue sufferers. 

~Frail Dreams~
© 2000

Although we are the
frail maidens of the world
we may seem fragile
and like porcelain dolls
who lack the sunshine
and sparkle in our eyes
the damsels in distress
we may need to be tended to
and loved and cared for more
than the average damsel
we need your time and your
hearts and your ears and
tender touches, just like
the others ladies of the land
we need secure embraces
and reassuring words
we seek your valor
chivalry and hero-like
intentions, but we know
that you can not slay
our dragons or tame
the beasts that haunt us
and yet our eyes shimmer
with silent tears
our arms yearn
and our souls
call out to your own
Knights and princes
look past the frailness
look past the paleness
look past the lack-luster eyes
reach past our everyday pain
chisel gently and patiently away
at the walls that protect us
and see into our hearts
see the strength that
even we don't realize
we carry inside
hold our dreams within
your hands
and realize the
woman longing
to be free
of her chains.

Sometimes you can't
hold us within your arms
but forever hold us
within your hearts.


MA Church said...

*Hugs* Luna. I'm thinking of you.

Luna Ella Aldora said...

*hugs back* Thanks, Michelle!

Kellie Kamryn said...

Very touching and beautiful! You truly are a warrior :) Hang in there.

Luna Ella Aldora said...

Thank you Kellie! Hanging in. :)

Naomi said...

So beautiful honey. Just like you. Sometimes the words tumble out of the soul and need to be written. Kudos