I'm not sure if anyone read my deleted post "Pillow Talk 1" or not. I'm going through some things that are causing my energy and mood to be affected. The post was pretty negative and I wanted a chance to explain things further.
I want to talk about Personal Power and how important it is to not give it away to anyone; to not allow them to turn you into a victim, live in fear, lose your self confidence, self worth, or self esteem. No one should have that kind of power over another person (without permission) and yet it happens all the time. Most of us have been screwed over at one time or another in our lives by people that claimed they cared about us or loved us, or by perfect strangers. We even let our own fears and insecurities hold us back.
A healthy person doesn't set out to become or play the part of the Victim. When it happens; when you've been deceived, betrayed, cheated, lied to, duped, harassed, abused, violated, taken advantage of...it's difficult to see past the wrong that has been done to you to realize that you still have power. Often people who are users and abusers seek out the vulnerable, prey upon those who appear weaker than they are, easy targets. It's difficult when you become a victim to climb out of those depths and reclaim your Personal Power.
Some ways to recognize when you are giving your Personal Power away:
* When you allow a person or the mere thought of that person to affect your state of mind or mood.
* When you give in to negative emotional responses or thoughts in regards to thinking about them.
* When you seek their approval above your own.
* When you allow them to judge you.
* When you let them drain your energy.
* When you let your fears holds you back or dictate how you live.
I'd allowed people to take little bits of my power for too long. I've always been an easy target, smaller, physically weaker, and more timid; whether I was giving that power to bullies who hurt me and tried to wear me down; boys who used their gender and strength to overpower; doctors who didn't listen to me about knowing my own body better than anyone else; teachers or employers who discriminated; control freaks who saw grief as vulnerability; energy drainers who leeched like vampires; or manipulators who tried to keep me in the dark and thus bend me to their own ends.
I'd build up walls and fortify my heart each time, but someone would come along and try to tear down my defenses again and again.
I've never cared what people thought of me and I suppose that was my biggest strength. As much of a romantic as I am, I've never defined myself or my self-worth by being in a relationship or having a man (or woman for that matter) in my life. I became so used to people coming and going and rarely staying for too long, that it was just a given that I learned to bitterly accept; they'd come for a specific purpose, and once that purpose was served, they'd quietly slip away.
This has been the story of my life with the exception of family, a few close friends and the love who found me, patiently persisted, gently persuaded, and continues to prove me wrong.
I decided the moment I learned that my marriage was a lie, he was an unhinged stranger, and our love was false; that I'd never give anyone that much power over me again. I started by kicking him out, never once looked back as I composed myself and walked into my newborn baby's room. I picked her up, cradled her to me, and promised her that I would do everything in my power to protect her from his negativity and chaos. I've done a damn good job of it, thus far.
Next, I took the first steps toward standing up to the employers who discriminated against me during my pregnancy and unfairly laid me off. I saw that through and made my voice heard.
These things both went a way towards restoring my Personal Power to me and removing me from Victim status. And while the mere mention of my ex-husband's name and his sporadic antics can cause the hair on my back to rise and the spit to fly and panic to set in: I remind myself that all that matters is that my child is safe, happy, healthy, and chaos free because of me. Everything I've gone through was to get her to me and I'm so blessed because of it.
I might be small, shy, and sweet - but this kitty can roar - and I can be fierce as a Lioness and protective as a MamaBear when the need arises. Those unfortunate enough to see my fury usually learn that too late. I have fangs and claws, and I'm not afraid to use them; especially in the defense of my own, or those who don't have the strength to stick up for themselves.
TAKE BACK YOUR POWER!
Your thoughts have Power. Your reactions have Power. Your words have Power. What you do with the hurt and the pain has Power.
Don't be afraid of your Power. Own it! Embrace it! With it you can do great things. Empower those who lost theirs. You have the Power to manifest your dreams and create your own experiences. We were all given free will and we are all a part of the Whole.
So I ask, do you wallow in depression and pity? Or do you stand up for yourself and say NO?!